How our relationship was swallowed whole by a baby

A and I just celebrated our 7th wedding anniversary this week.

(Yep. Still obsessed with faceless wedding photos.)

We have this little ritual on our anniversary of writing down our best and worst times from the past year and our goals for the coming months. While we were out to dinner (what a JOY it is to dine with no one other than your adult partner at 7pm on a balmy Monday evening) I plopped the little leather-bound journal where we’ve jotted this stuff onto the table, and we had a look at years gone by.

We really like creating abbreviated versions of words that don’t have any. Like “anny.” It’s just so exhausting and common to say anniversary. We are such hipsters.

Here are the pages for anny 5 and anny 6, our first two as parents.

Hello, salient metaphor for how having a child has changed our relationship.

If anything, these first years of parenthood have impressed upon me the finiteness of things. Time. Energy. Sleep. Patience. And I won’t lie—it’s definitely done a number on our relationship. I can confidently say now, 2 years in, that we’re finding more moments to connect in that lingering and nostalgic way we used to before J came on the scene. It feels like dusting off the words of a language we used to speak fluently—we have to work harder now to remember how to say certain things, but it’s sweet and confirming to feel our mouths form the words again.

As we lingered over our bottle of rosé, we couldn’t help but notice the goals we had listed for our 4th anniversary—when I was 6 months pregnant with J.

Such innocent ambition: social time, couple time, alone time, “not swallowed whole by baby.” Oh! and don’t forget exercise.

It really put those two blank years in the book into perspective. I think it’s taken us 2 years to get back to the place where those goals even make sense again.

Our hopes and dreams for this year?

“See 4th anniversary goals.”

4 thoughts on “How our relationship was swallowed whole by a baby

  1. There is this board game called “Do you Remember the 80’s?”. When it first came out, I thought it would be fun, so I stopped to look at the box while I was out shopping with my mom. She read the name and said, “Nope. I don’t remember the 80’s, I was having babies at that time.” Talk about being “swallowed up” by kids.

    When people say “kids change everything” they aren’t kidding.

    I too have a 2-year-old by the way. I agree that it is easier to take time for being a couple now than any other point in the past 2 years.

    1. woa. a whole decade. multiple children is serious business. makes sense though. i mean, i think it’s taken us 2 years to re-surface, so that oculd easily be 4 or 6 or 8 depending on how many kids. glad to hear you’re coming up for air too. how would you describe the first 2 years your couple-hood with a kid?

    1. thanks, d! enjoyed reading your post. i’m impressed. it sounds to me like you 2 fared those first years more gracefully than A and I have!! and another kiddo on the way, bold move!! 🙂

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